Talking

On most issues, I'm somewhere between a moderate and a tolerant (libertarian?) conservative. I think consenting adults should be able to have whatever relationships they want with each other, as long as everyone understands what's going on. I believe very firmly in freedom of opinion and religion, although I'm very much against people hurting one another. On the other hand, I can't imagine raising my own personal children without the structure of marriage and some kind of religion.

On the Katrina disaster, apparently, I'm a flaming liberal -- at least compared to, say, my mother. She's furious that New Orleans residents expect the federal government to help them. She blames it on state and municipal lack of planning. She's angriest of all about insinuations that race and class matter in this disaster and its aftermath. When a "resident" of the convention center was shown on the news explaining that the floors were running with urine [because the toilets are overflowing, though they clipped that part out], her response was something like "And who do you think it was that peed there?"

I know there's not much point getting into an argument with her over this -- for any number of reasons, down to plain old habit, I'm unlikely to win an argument, and it's not all that clear that I'd be happier if I did win. Still, from time to time I can't help talking back. I did ask how the hell she thinks "turning Iraq into a parking lot" is going to help with this (she's right, I guess, that it would give us an unarguable reason to bring the troops home, and then they could impose martial law). I brought up the example that all the bloggers know about, wherein white people "find" and black people "loot" -- but I conceded, I hope obviously enough, that that example is about the effect of race on the reporting, not necessarily the conditions on the ground.

And I do agree with her in a lot of subtle ways. The people in New Orleans are absolutely right that, if the federal government doesn't help them, a lot of them are going to die; but it might be true that this should really be someone else's job (not least because, obviously, the federal government can't help them, not all of them). Holding a "mandatory" evacuation based on people's own ability to get themselves out, when these people don't have cars or even money for bus fare (and, anyway, the Greyhound stations closed on Saturday is completely stupid -- but this seems to me to be a total failure of compassion for the poor, not overt racism.

I still need work on this. I feel guilty about swearing at my mother, not least becasue I'm trying to stop swearing in general. I'm always hurt and angry that my mother gets so angry and abrasive about things, especially when I don't agree. But I'm proud of myself, overall, for standing up for myself, showing her that I have an opinion, while at the same time making a good-faith effort to preserve family peace. My parents are good people, and have always taken good care of our family, and that's more important in then end than any of our opinions about our remodeling or the hurricane or anything.

But I miss Boyfriend, who thinks like I do and is, as he says, of "a peaceable people." Who's happy to discuss without arguing. Who shares my distaste for stupidity, and yet is generous and kind.