Not entirely unpredictable.

"God will not suffer man to have the knowledge of things to come; for if he had prescience of his prosperity he would be careless; and understanding of his adversity he would be senseless."

You are Augustine! You love to study tough issues and don't mind it if you lose sleep over them. Everyone loves you and wants to talk to you and hear your views, you even get things like "nice debating with you." Yep, you are super smart, even if you are still trying to figure it all out. You're also very honest, something people admire, even when you do stupid things.

What theologian are you?

A creation of Henderson

Tag!

Hang on -- wait -- what?

Penni at martha, martha tagged me to fill out Getting to Know Me by fructus ventris. (Is this some kind of mixer, to introduce me to new blogs (from the others who were tagged)? Because, if so, hooray!)

5 things I plan to do before I die:
1. Publish something (do math papers count?)
2. Travel: visit every continent at least once (yes, Antarctica too!) and go all over Europe and go on a pilgrimage if I can
3. Become a polyglot
4. Figure out what I really want from life
5. Raise a family
6. Become a better teacher
7. Get my Ph.D.

5 things I can do:
1. Read fast
2. Write fast and well
3. Understand French as spoken by a toddler
4. Get my master's degree in applied math (don't have it yet, but it's within reaching distance)
5. Play the piano

5 things I cannot do:
1. Run fast or far
2. Do a chin-up
3. Understand French as spoken by an adult
4. Work while listening to music
5. Control my moods nearly as well as I'd like to

5 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. Patience
2. Thoughtfulness
3. Beautiful hands and forearms
4. Beautiful eyes and smiles
5. Intelligence

5 things I say most often:
1. "Dude!" (It was an inside joke in college... now it's just a bad habit.)
2. " ... like, an order of magnitude more ..."
3. " ... n times, where n is large ... "
4. "Bad computer!"
5. "I love you."

5 celebrity crushes: (do I have to do this, too? I may never hear the end of it...)
1. Johnny Depp. Can't pass judgement on that Chocolate Factory thing, as I haven't seen it, but Pirates of the Caribbean? Hmmm... Chocolat? Mmmm....
2. Orlando Bloom. No, seriously. What??
I don't really do celebrity crushes, though. If I'm going to have a crush on someone I'll never meet, might as well be a fictional character with a personality instead of a pretty face...
3. Henry (and Clare, for that matter) in Audrey Niffenegger's The Time Traveler's Wife
4. Adam Eddington in Madeleine L'Engle's Vicky Austin books
5. Hugh of Harrowfield in Juliet Marillier's Daughter of the Forest

5 people I want to do this:
Dy
Alaska
Chris Never mind, he did it already.
Amira
Jo(e)

"They look at you, and worry for themselves."

What, no free Wisdom of the Ages?

From a displaced New Orleans intellectual on the September 9 edition of This American Life:

People ask what it's like to lose your house, and your friends, and your life, and your town, and begin to look scared when you answer. They want to care, but they can't. They look at you, and worry for themselves.

OK. Guilty as charged.

And from an insightful entry on depression at Mental Multivitamin:

As anyone who spends any time here at M-mv knows, my mantra is "It's. Just. Not. That. Hard." Few people have ever truly understood that sometimes this can be as good as saying, "It's as hard as sh-- that's been baking in the California sun for twenty days, but I choose to ignore that particular aspect of the journey and focus on all of that less-hard stuff because, because... LIFE IS SHORT! And I'd rather celebrate and sing than spend my life acknowledging some of life's inherent sh--iness, OKAY? Okay."

Heh, heh, heh. Maybe you get it, huh? Yes, tell yourself: It's. Just. Not. That. Hard.

And maybe tomorrow, or Friday, or next Tuesday, it won't be.

I don't know them, not really, but the Family M-mv often serve as both gadfly and polestar for me. So I'd better listen to the buzzing and stinging, get back up out of that there self-pity, and see what I can do.

Money, happiness and guilt

I've spent too much of today worrying about money and time and happiness -- what I have, what I don't have, and what too many other people don't have.

A few weeks ago, I made a budget for myself, on the "pay yourself first" plan that many financial advisors, um, advise. I subtracted 20% from my (expected) paycheck, to begin with (10% savings, 10% for charity). Then I subtracted all my regular monthly bills. What was left over, I divided by five, and that became my weekly "allowance". (I divided the charity money into a weekly allowance as well.)

My allowance doesn't feel like enough. I "pay" myself on Sundays. This Sunday I went grocery shopping, and accounted for an allowance-overdraft from last week, and I'm out of allowance money already.

This terrifies me.

And yet I'm miles, hundreds of miles, away from starving in the streets. I have plenty of food in my cupboards and refrigerator. I live in an extremely nice apartment in a moderately snotty neighborhood. My parents subsidize my gas and other car-related bills, because they still own the car. I have cable internet access and books galore and all sorts of other things. I grumble about being out of money, but I still have my savings, and I buy things that aren't really necessary. It's self-discipline, not painful necessity, that makes me say I'm out of spending money.

And there are so many people who have it so much harder. I don't live in a part of the state that's especially prone to natural disasters, but if one happened I could get away. I don't have to make "tomato soup" from ketchup and hot water, or survive on ramen noodles, or rush a child through toilet training because diapers are too expensive. I don't really know a damn thing about being poor.

So I'm worried about my budget, but I'm also paralyzingly ashamed of being worried. And there seems to be so little I can do to help. If someone I know is suffering, I can talk to them. Maybe I can cook for them, clean for them, give them money, or help them in some other way, but at the very least I can be there. But what can I do about large-scale poverty, about far-away violence? How can I go on with my own life in a world where so many people have so much less? As a Christian I'm told to "sell all I have and give to the poor," but I'd make a terrible Mother Teresa -- I'd probably end up being a drain, not a help, to my neighbors. But how do I find a "lesser" answer that's satisfying?

I know many of my readers here are people who I consider wiser than myself, so I'm asking you for your advice, or at least your experiences. How do you find a way to live abundantly, to enjoy the world and its gifts, and yet also to help those who, because of grief or poverty or injury, can't enjoy them as fully?

How do you do it?

Three memes in a row..

Eeek. Three memes in a row!

meme |mēm| noun (Biology) an element of a culture or system of behavior that may be considered to be passed from one individual to another by nongenetic means, esp. imitation.

DERIVATIVES memetic |mēˈmetik; mə-| adjective ORIGIN 1970s: from Greek mimēma ‘that which is imitated,’ on the pattern of gene.

Haughty Intellectual You are 57% Rational, 14% Extroverted, 42% Brutal, and 71% Arrogant.

You are the Haughty Intellectual. You are a very rational person, emphasizing logic over emotion, and you are also rather arrogant and self-aggrandizing. You probably think of yourself as an intellectual, and you would like everyone to know it. Not only that, but you also tend to look down on others, thinking yourself better than them. You could possibly have an unhealthy obsession with yourself as well, thus causing everyone to hate you for being such an elitist twat. On top of all that, you are also introverted and gentle. This means that you are just a quiet thinker who wants fame and recognition, in all likelihood. Rather lacking in emotion, introspective, gentle, and arrogant, you are most certainly a Haughty Intellectual! And, most likely, you will never achieve the recognition or fame you so desire! Sweet.

To put it less negatively: 1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive. 2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted. 3. You are more GENTLE than brutal. 4. You are more ARROGANT than humble. Compatibility: Your exact opposite is the Schoolyard Bully. (Bullies like to beat up nerds, after all.) Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Braggart, the Hand-Raiser, and the Robot. * * If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits. The other personality types: The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble. The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant. The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble. The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant. The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble. The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant. The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble. The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant. The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble. The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant. The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble. The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant. The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble. The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant. The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble. The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 40% on Rationality You scored higher than 11% on Extroversion You scored higher than 49% on Brutality You scored higher than 81% on Arrogance

Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on Ok Cupid

Silliness and Swedish

I've rapidly lost my stomach for all the personal and public sadness that's going on these few weeks. It's not that I don't want to know, but I want to have a safe haven where I can plug my ears and ignore the world for a while.

Unfortunately, I don't have any deep, inspiring Safe Haven thoughts this afternoon either. So you get more silliness and memes instead:

First, some evidence of my brain-dead state: I totally missed that this was an Onion article at first.

You Should Learn Swedish

Fantastisk! You're laid back about learning a language - and about life in general. Peaceful, beautiful Sweden is ideal for you... And you won't even have to speak perfect Swedish to get around!

What Language Should You Learn?

I am a sheep

I wasn't going to do the Top 100 meme. Really I wasn't. But temptation got to me.

It's behind the "read more" link, though, so nobody has to read the longlongLONG list...

I got this from Laura, who got it from Susan, who got it from the Chronic Curmudgeon. Look up the top 100 songs of the year you graduated high school (scroll down the page) and bold the ones you liked.

Guilty pleasures are in italics, and songs I noticeably dislike are crossed out.

1999 - the last year I actually went to high school

 

1. Believe, Cher

2. No Scrubs, TLC

3. Angel Of Mine, Monica

4. Heartbreak Hotel, Whitney Houston

5. ...Baby One More Time, Britney Spears

6. Kiss Me, Sixpence None The Richer

7. Genie In A Bottle, Christina Aguilera

8. Every Morning, Sugar Ray

9. Nobody's Supposed To Be Here, Deborah Cox

10. Livin' La Vida Loca, Ricky Martin

11. Where My Girls At?, 702

12. If You Had My Love, Jennifer Lopez

13. Slide, Goo Goo Dolls

14. Have You Ever?, Brandy

15. I Want It That Way, Backstreet Boys

16. I'm Your Angel, R. Kelly and Celine Dion

17. All Star, Smash Mouth

18. Angel, Sarah McLachlan

19. Smooth, Santana Featuring Rob Thomas

20. Unpretty, TLC

21. Bills, Bills, Bills, Destiny's Child

22. Save Tonight, Eagle-Eye Cherry

23. Last Kiss, Pearl Jam

24. Fortunate, Maxwell

25. All I Have To Give, Backstreet Boys

26. Bailamos, Enrique Iglesias

27. What's It Gonna Be?!, Busta Rhymes Featuring Janet

28. What It's Like, Everlast

29. Fly Away, Lenny Kravitz

30. Someday, Sugar Ray

31. Lately, Divine

32. That Don't Impress Me Much, Shania Twain

33. Wild Wild West, Will Smith Featuring Dru Hill and Kool Moe Dee

34. Scar Tissue, Red Hot Chili Peppers

35. Heartbreaker, Mariah Carey Featuring Jay-Z

36. I Still Believe, Mariah Carey

37. The Hardest Thing, 98 Degrees

38. Summer Girls, LFO

39. Can I Get A..., Jay-Z Featuring Amil (Of Major Coinz) and Ja

40. Jumper, Third Eye Blind

41. Doo Wop (That Thing), Lauryn Hill

42. Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit Of...), Lou Bega

43. Sweet Lady, Tyrese

44. It's Not Right But It's Okay, Whitney Houston

45. (God Must Have Spent) A Little More Time On You, 'N Sync

46. Lullaby, Shawn Mullins

47. Anywhere, 112 Featuring Lil'Z

48. Tell Me It's Real, K-Ci and JoJo

49. Back 2 Good, Matchbox 20

50. 808, Blaque

51. She's So High, Tal Bachman

52. She's All I Ever Had, Ricky Martin

53. Miami, Will Smith

54. Hands, Jewel

55. Who Dat, JT Money Featuring Sole

56. Please Remember Me, Tim McGraw

57. From This Moment On, Shania Twain

58. Love Like This, Faith Evans

59. You, Jesse Powell

60. Trippin', Total Featuring Missy Elliott

61. If You (Lovin' Me), Silk

62. Ex-Factor, Lauryn Hill

63. Give It To You, Jordan Knight

64. Black Balloon, Goo Goo Dolls

65. Spend My Life With You, Eric Benet Featuring Tamia

66. These Are The Times, Dru Hill

67. I Don't Want To Miss A Thing, Mark Chesnutt

68. I Do (Cherish You), 98 Degrees

69. Because Of You, 98 Degrees

70. I Will Remember You (Live), Sarah McLachlan

71. Chante's Got A Man, Chante Moore

72. Happily Ever After, Case

73. My Love Is Your Love, Whitney Houston

74. All Night Long, Faith Evans Featuring Puff Daddy

75. Back That Thang Up, Juvenile Featuring Mannie Fresh and Lil' Wayne

76. Almost Doesn't Count, Brandy

77. Man! I Feel Like A Woman!, Shania Twain

78. Steal My Sunshine, Len

79. I Need To Know, Marc Anthony

80. So Anxious, Ginuwine

81. Faded Pictures, Case and Joe

82. Back At One, Brian McKnight

83. When A Woman's Fed Up, R. Kelly

84. How Forever Feels, Kenny Chesney

85. Amazed, Lonestar

86. Sometimes, Britney Spears

87. Ghetto Cowboy, Mo Thugs Family Featuring Bone Thugs-N-Harmony

88. Out Of My Head, Fastball

89. Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem), Jay-Z

90. Jamboree, Naughty By Nature Featuring Zhane

91. Take Me There, BLACKstreet and Mya Featuring Mase and Blinky Blink

92. Stay The Same, Joey McIntyre

93. Lesson In Leavin', Jo Dee Messina

94. Iris, Goo Goo Dolls

95. Satisfy You, Puff Daddy Featuring R. Kelly

96. Better Days (And The Bottom Drops Out), Citizen King

97. Music Of My Heart, 'N Sync and Gloria Estefan

98. Write This Down, George Strait

99. When You Believe, Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey

100. God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You, Alabama Featuring 'N Sync

 

2000 -- the year I got my diploma

 

1. Breathe, Faith Hill

2. Smooth, Santana Featuring Rob Thomas

3. Say My Name, Destiny's Child

4. I Wanna Know, Joe

5. Everything You Want, Vertical Horizon

6. Maria Maria, Santana Featuring The Product G&B

7. Bent, Matchbox Twenty

8. Amazed, Lonestar

9. I Knew I Loved You, Savage Garden

10. He Wasn't Man Enough, Toni Braxton

11. Higher, Creed

12. .Try Again, Aaliyah

13. There You Go, Pink

14. Thong Song, Sisqo

15. Kryptonite, 3 Doors Down

16. Jumpin Jumpin', Destiny's Child

17. What A Girl Wants, Christina Aguilera

18. Doesn't Really Matter, Janet

19. Music, Madonna

20. Back At One, Brian McKnight

21. Bye Bye Bye, 'N Sync

22. You Sang To Me, Marc Anthony

23. I Need To Know, Marc Anthony

24. Get It On Tonite, Montell Jordan

25. Incomplete, Sisqo

26. I Try, Macy Gray

27. It's Gonna Be Me, 'N Sync

28. That's The Way It Is, Celine Dion

29. (Hot S**T) Country Grammar, Nelly

30. Bring It All To Me, Blaque

31. Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely, Backstreet Boys

32. Hot Boyz, Missy Elliott Featuring Nas, EVE & Q-Tip

33. Back Here, BBMak

34. It Feels So Good, Sonique

35. Absolutely (Story Of A Girl), Nine Days

36. With Arms Wide Open, Creed

37. Be With You, Enrique Iglesias

38. Come On Over Baby (All I Want Is You), Christina Aguilera

39. No More, Ruff Endz

40. All The Small Things, Blink 182

41. The Way You Love Me, Faith Hill

42. I Turn To You, Christina Aguilera

43. Never Let You Go, Third Eye Blind

44. I Need You, LeAnn Rimes

45. Thank God I Found You, Mariah Carey Featuring Joe & 98 Degrees

46. Let's Get Married, Jagged Edge

47. My Love Is Your Love, Whitney Houston

48. Then The Morning Comes, Smash Mouth

49. Blue (Da Ba Dee), Eiffel 65

50. Desert Rose, Sting Featuring Cheb Mami

51. The Real Slim Shady, Eminem

52. Most Girls, Pink

53. Wifey, Next

54. Wonderful, Everclear

55. Oops!... I Did It Again, Britney Spears

56. I Wanna Love You Forever, Jessica Simpson

57. Give Me Just One Night (Una Noche ), 98 Degrees

58. Take A Picture, Filter

59. Otherside, Red Hot Chili Peppers

60. Big Pimpin', Jay-Z Featuring UGK

61. Purest Of Pain (A Puro Dolor), Son By Four

62. He Can't Love U, Jagged Edge

63. Separated, Avant

64. I Wish, Carl Thomas

65. U Know What's Up, Donell Jones

66. Faded, SoulDecision Featuring Thrust

67. Only God Knows Why, Kid Rock

68. Shake Ya Ass, Mystikal

69. Bag Lady, Erykah Badu

70. Meet Virginia, Train

71. Party Up (Up In Here), DMX

72. Case Of The Ex (Whatcha Gonna Do), Mya

73. Forget About Dre, Dr. Dre Featuring Eminem

74. That's The Way, Jo Dee Messina

75. Swear It Again, Westlife

76. The Next Episode, Dr. Dre Featuring Snoop Dogg

77. From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart, Britney Spears

78. Crash And Burn, Savage Garden

79. Yes!, Chad Brock

80. The Best Day, George Strait

81. How Do You Like Me Now?!, Toby Keith

82. Where I Wanna Be, Donell Jones

83. My Best Friend, Tim McGraw

84. Broadway, Goo Goo Dolls

85. Dance With Me, Debelah Morgan

86. Don't Think I'm Not, Kandi

87. I Hope You Dance, Lee Ann Womack & Sons Of The Desert

88. Better Off Alone, Alice Deejay

89. What'chu Like, Da Brat Featuring Tyrese

90. Cowboy Take Me Away, Dixie Chicks

91. I Like It, Sammie

92. 24/7, Kevon Edmonds

93. Girl On TV, LFO

94. Bounce With Me, Lil Bow Wow Featuring Xscape

95. What About Now, Lonestar

96. I Don't Wanna, Aaliyah

97. Independent Women Part I, Destiny's Child

98. Shackles (Praise You), Mary Mary

99. Waiting For Tonight, Jennifer Lopez

100. Gotta Tell You, Samantha Mumba